Good evening,

I can’t type much right now because I am totally exhausted, I am under the influence of some strong medicines and typing is difficult with an IV in one hand and a monitor on the other.  Just wanted to let you all know that I amm on my way to recovery.  This has been a TOUGH journey but God is with me.  I am hurting a lot and can barely move but each day getts better.  I still have a chest tube in draining fluid from arund y lungs but it makes it hard to move or even breathe.  Hopefully it comes out tomorrow.  Just thank you for all the prayers and help.  You guys are all so precious to me and my family.  I will update more when I can…I’m just so wooizie right now and can barely think or type.  Gonna go to bed.  Love you all!

Love<

Brandi

One thing that has become even more real to me in the past three weeks is that God REALLY is near to me.  I’ve always known that.  I have always believed that, but this became a very real reality to me as I have clung to Him and His scriptures while waiting to hear what the diagnosis and prognosis of the mass that they found in my body.  I have become aware that God is SO CLOSE to me, to us…closer than we know.  For instance, when I got that phone call that no one wants to get three weeks ago, my world was rocked!  However, God wasn’t.  He already knew ahead of time that I would receive that phone call.  Not only did He know that I would get the phone call, but He already knew what this thing was and how He was going to heal me.  This brings me great comfort that God prepared each step of this journey just for me.  Since God isn’t bound by time, He was able to go ahead of me and prepare the way for me and give me every grace that I would need to not be destroyed or even just thrown off track by it.

Another thing that I have realized is that God isn’t a God of good intentions.  A lot of times, as humans we see someone hurting and we mean well when we say things like, “If you need anything just let me know” or even, “I’ll be praying for you.”  These are the correct things to say but if we were all honest, how faithful are we to follow through to see the job finished?  Because life is so busy and we all carry our own burdens and struggles, our good intentions get pushed aside when something in our own lives comes up.  Attention is then shifted from the friend and onto the next thing that comes up.  This is our human nature.  Thankfully God doesn’t have the same human nature.  He is God and His God nature doesn’t struggle to follow through.  He isn’t a God of good intentions.  He is a God that not only says that He is for us, but He sticks with us always.  He never has to abandon us even for a moment when something of more importance arises.  He never steps away.  He never even looks away.  He truly does stick closer than a brother.   Again, I find great comfort in this.  He cares about what I struggle with.  He cares what you struggle with…no matter how big or how small.

We probably all know Psalm 139 which talks about how well God really knows us.  I have read that scripture countless times in my 26 year history with the Lord.  There is a difference in knowing it because you read it, and knowing it because you have experienced it.  There is only so much you can learn through reading, being taught, and observation of other believers.  There comes a time when it’s just you and God and He wants to teach you something.  That is what He has done with me these last three weeks.  He has shown me that while I have been a life long believer in Him and His holy word, He has kicked it up a notch and I see that these principles and lessons aren’t merely cute Bible verses.  They are more real than we know.  He isn’t messin’ around.  I guess I have always known this and I haven’t doubted Him, but I was so pleased that He would show me just how much He loved me and just how much He means business when He says that He is for me!  I love that.  He really is the best teacher of all.

God is for you.  He is closer than you know.  Not only is He close to you presently, but He has already been to your future and He knows exactly what you will need to make it through whatever lies in your path.  He is preparing a way for you and ALL THINGS work together for the good for them that love Him.  That’s a promise!  

The biopsy results are in and I just wanted to update you on what the doctors have said.  Last Friday I got a call from the doctor’s office that said that the biopsy showed no signs of malignancy!  That is great news.  I was somewhat relieved, but also somewhat guarded because the report also said that more investigation would be required. Because the biopsy taken was from just one part of this mass and this is a rather large mass and they weren’t certain that the whole thing was not malignant – they didn’t feel comfortable making that call based on the biopsy that was performed.  So….

I met with an oncologist at the Midwest Cancer Center up in Kansas City on Tuesday morning.  He looks at tumors, masses, and such all day long and he would know best how to proceed no matter whether if it was malignant or not.  He took one look at the CT scan and the biopsy report and didn’t hesitate to say that this is a BENIGN tumor.  Confirmation on what we already knew in our spirits.  God is sooooo good.  I can’t even begin to tell you the sense of relief and freedom that comes from news like that.  I have never experienced anything like it before.

This doctor then said that he wanted me to get in to see a surgeon that specializes in removing sarcomas.  THIS IS NOT A SARCOMA, but it is similar in structure and features.  He recommended Dr. Rosenthal at Menorah hospital.  He says that he is well known in this region for this type of thing and he’s the best.  While we were sitting in the cancer center, the cancer doctor called Dr. Rosenthal on the phone and personally asked him if he would see me and consider taking over my care.  Dr. Rosenthal agreed.  God’s favor continues to be with me.

This mass is rather large, especially for where it is positioned.  It is like an oblong-ish shaped tennis ball. It is behind my right lung and lays against my spine.  The doctors believe this is why I am having pains showing up in other parts of my body – some nerves must be affected by this thing.

I meet with the surgeon, Dr. Rosenthal, on Sept. 3rd and we’ll see what he says.  Another doctor told me yesterday that this could require a major surgery with them opening my chest and removing this thing with 3-4 weeks of recovery time.  While the thought of that doesn’t excite me by any means, I know that God is still with me and He will get me through that too.  I am just so happy to hear that it was benign!

I just appreciate all the love and support that y’all have given to my family and I.  It has been an emotional last two weeks.  I so appreciate your kind and encouraging words and for sure your prayers.  God has heard them all and He is with me in all this.  It is so exciting to keep discovering how involved God really is in our lives.  He isn’t a distant God.  He is close – closer than we even know.  He cares about us!  How cool is that.  I just can’t stop thanking Him.  I have been doing the happy dance all over the place!  To celebrate, Cesar took me out to lunch at Poncho’s for the most amazing carne asada burrito I have ever eaten – now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!

Thanksfor reading this blog and thanks for loving me!

I wanted to take the time to update you all on the newest journey of my life.  This is a journey that I NEVER expected to have, especially at 31 years old.  This is a journey that I would rather not have to take,  but it appears that this is my new reality for now.

A Little Background – As most of you know, I lost my mother to cancer on March 1, 2009.  She was 53 years old.  The night of March 4th, the night of her funeral, I was laying in bed and I found a small lump in my abdomen.  It was the size of a pea and I instantly became scared.  Not really sure what it was but all kinds of scary thoughts flooded my mind.  I thought for sure that I was overreacting and have spent the last 15 months battling fear, worry, concern, and at times even thoughts of death.  It has been exhausting.  I know my God is bigger than all that, but knowing that doesn’t mean that those thoughts stop coming.   I went to the Dr. about the lump in May and he just thinks it is a lipoma (a harmless fatty tumor).  He said it could just stay put unless it bothered me and I wanted it taken out.  I had an appointment to have it taken out, but cancelled it because I didn’t think we had the money to do it and again, I thought I was just overreacting and battled those scary thoughts yet again.  This has been my story up until last week.  That’s when the right side of my tummy area became so tender and sore.  Again though, I didn’t want to overreact and schedule a Dr. appointment because of the possible cost.  Finally Cesar all but made the appointment for me.  He strongly encouraged me to go have it all checked out, just to put my mind at ease, once and for all.  I went to the doctor last Friday and he scheduled a CT scan for Monday morning.

This week – On Monday, August 9th, I went to the hospital for my CT scan on my belly area.  I appreciated the friendly radiology tech doing my scan because I was a bit anxious.  I had peace about it all and was even excited about it.  I was sure that they would find something minor (such as an infection) or find nothing at all.  I was excited to put this fear to rest once and for all.

Tuesdays are Cesar’s day off and we always go do something as a family.  On this Tuesday we went to Target and bought the kids some popcorn and an Icee to keep them occupied as we walked around the store.  Five minutes after arriving at the store, the doctor’s office called and read me the scan results.  She said that they found a “large mass on my upper right quadrant.”  My face fell instantly!!  She went on to say that the doctor said that “it doesn’t look too good.  It’s not terrible, but it’s not too good.”  She then told me that I needed a needle biopsy done as soon as possible.  I just said “Okay” and hung up the phone.   I was in total shock!  Cesar had questions, so he called this lady back.  He found out that this mass wasn’t in my abdominal area, but on my lung.  I didn’t even think that they scanned my lungs.  She did say that nothing showed up the belly scan, in the liver, or kidneys.

Wednesday – They got me right in for a needle biopsy yesterday, Wednesday.  While preparing for my biopsy, I was able to talk to the radiology tech that did my first scan on Monday.  She told me that I wasn’t supposed to have the lung scan but that the machine did one pass over that area and that’s when they found this.  They weren’t even looking in that area.   She said that she did see the mass on Monday but of course she couldn’t say anything to me about it.  She told me that isn’t not on my lung, it is positioned between my spine and my right lung.   I asked her how big it was and she said that it was elongated and resembled a hotdog and runs up and down my spine.

This was a CT guided scan.  A radiologist was able to put me into the CT scan machine, locate the mass, insert a needle into my back (as I laid on my tummy) and take six samples of the mass.   I was then admitted to the hospital for 2 hours for observation afterward.  We got to go home at 5pm.  We will hear back on the results in 5-7 business days.  That is where I stand as of this writing.

What I do know- I may not know what the results are as of yet, but I DO know a few things.  This is what I know:

-that though my world is shaken and shocked, God isn’t shaken or shocked.  He isn’t moved by fear, worry, doubt, or unbelief.  He is God and He is confident.  He is unwaivering.  He is still the King of all Kings.  That gives me comfort that He isn’t worried about this.  He’s got this!

- that I have SO MANY of you praying for me.  I have been great touched by all the people that are praying for me.

- God has a purpose for all things!  He makes all things work together for my good.

- Christ shed His blood and already purchased my healing on the cross over 2000 years ago.  There is a drop of blood with my name on it.  It is mine and it is more than enough for me.  There is amazing power and life in the blood and like I said, there is a drop there with MY name on it!  Thank you Jesus!

- there is no lump, mass, disease, condition that is stronger than my God.  It all must bow at His word and His authority.

- I have peace!  Cesar has peace.  We are excited to see the miracle that is yet to come for us.  The stage has been set for God to show up and show off!  I give Him permission and authority to use me as a manifestation of His glory and power here on the earth.  I am ready to birth this miracle in the natural for Him- for all to see.

- No matter what the scan results are, this has already changed me.  This has made me a better wife and mother.  My priorities have already changed. It has already given my much more compassion for people who are hurting or struggling with something in their life.  I can now relate in a way that I couldn’t before.  This is great because it will help me minister to others from a much different place than I was before. Thank your Lord for doing a work in me.

- I have HOPE, JOY, and PEACE.  I plan on living for a long time with my Honey and our three babies!  My eyes are on God.  We are taking this thing one step at a time knowing that God is the one with the ultimate authority in this situation.  He is not just Jehova Rapha, He is MY Jehova Rapha!

-One last thing… I need and appreciate your prayers.   Please lift up my family in these next coming days.  Pray for favor of God, favor of man, and that this will be an easy fix.  I am telling you that God heals….just wait and see!

I am the most blessed woman ever!  Love you all!

Brandi

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I wanted to share with you something that I learned while preparing a lesson to share with the Wednesday morning Bible study a few weeks back.  I know that God used this topic to speak to me, but I know it is something that we can all learn from.   This is a topic that all of us know about…brokenness!

There are many stories in the Bible where different people went through many stages of brokenness.   Ruth, Esther, Samson, Job, Paul, and MANY more.  They all experienced situations which brought about brokenness in their lives.   I chose to look at the story of Jacob.  Check out what I learned (I highlighted it below in yellow):

Here is a brief overview of his story:

1. Jacob had cheated his older brother (Esau) out of his birthright and the paternal blessing from Isaac.   He had a “me first” attitude.  (Genesis 25)  Twice Jacob stole a blessing from Esau.
2. Esau was so angry, he wanted to kill Jacob as soon as their father died.
3. Jacob fled his country to go to the country of his mother.  There he lived for 20 years.  He married there and started a large family.
4. He reaped what he had sowed.  God taught him to respect the rights of the first-born.  He worked 7 years for Rachel, but was forced to marry Leah instead because she was the first born.
5. God used Jacob’s circumstances to break him down, to prepare him for a blessing.
6. In Genesis 32, Jacob is finally going back home.
7. He is afraid when he hears that Esau (and 400 men) are looking for him.  He sends gifts to appease Esau.
8. While alone one night, he encounters a stranger at his campsite.  They begin to fight/wrestle.
9. During the fight (which lasted all night), the “stranger” touches Jacob hip and caused it to become dislocated.
10. Jacob was no longer able to wrestle.  He could only hold on. He couldn’t even run from Esau if he had to.
11. Next, the Lord asked Jacob his name.   Before Jacob could be blessed he had to own up to who he really was.  His name meant “the supplanter or schemer.”  By giving his name, he was basically admitting his wrongdoings and acknowledging his ugly ways.
12. The stigma of his old name is removed and he receives a new name – Israel.  “Israel” means “he who strives or perseveres with God”
13. God took Jacob through a breaking process in to get Jacob to a place where He could bless him.
14. Jacob walked with a permanent limp as a reminder that he was touched by God.

So you can see that God needed to work with Jacob, take him through some things in order to get him to a place where he would be able to handle the blessings that God wanted to give him.   God knew that if He invested the blessing in the wrong season of Jacob’s life, the blessing would’ve become misused, wasted, or even become a curse to Jacob.   The same is true with us.  Allow yourself to be broken before the Lord.  God loves broken people.  These are prime candidates for God to bless and promote.  Don’t get me wrong, brokenness hurts!  It’s not fun!  But it’s worth it in the end.  Jacob started off being a deceiver and schemer but ended up being one of the great patriarchs of our faith.    The same can be true for you if you remain moldable and allow yourself to be broken.  God thinks that brokenness is beautiful!

So tonight we had our Baking Workshop at the church.  We offered 4 different stations where ladies could come and learn how to make a different food item.  All of these were desserts and most contained CHOCOLATE!  It was a great time for sure.  I demonstrated how to make cake balls.  Many people asked for my buttercream recipe so I thought I would post it here…

Buttercream Icing

1/2 cup butter (at room temp.)

1/2 cup Crisco

1-2 tsp. flavoring (i.e. almond extract, vanilla extract, lemon extract, etc.)

1/4 cup milk

1 lb. (4 cups) of powdered sugar

Using a mixer, combine the butter and the Crisco until well blended.  Add flavoring.   Then add milk.  Mix well.  Then slowly add powdered sugar and blend well.  If it’s too thick, add a bit more milk.  If it’s too thin, add a bit more powdered sugar.

I usually double this recipe because it keeps well in the fridge or you can even freeze it.  Just know that if you freeze it, the consistency will change once it thaws, but it will taste the same and will work great for cake balls!

Let me know if you have any questions!

I have lived in Missouri my whole life.  I know that we get a variety of weather which is subject to change without notice.  I’ve even heard a saying, “Welcome to Missouri.  If you don’t like the weather, stick around and it’ll change.”    So, even though I am used to seeing a wide variety of weather conditions, I am still baffled by last week.  As winter is ending and signs of Spring are coming forth, we had a beautiful day last Thursday and Friday.  The sun was bright, the birds were chirping, the trees are budding.  I was really thinking that I wanted to put away my heavy coat and winter clothes and bring out the shorts and flip flops.  Now it is still a bit cold for that just yet, but those two days were a great reminder that Spring was on it’s way, followed by SUMMER!  I love summer!  I was so anxious for summer that, last Friday I brought out the BBQ grill and grilled some burgers and hot dogs for my family.  My favorite!

Wouldn’t you know it though, I woke up to 3″ of snow on the ground and it continued to snow all day on Saturday.  It was gray, cold, and snowy.  We ended up getting 6″-8″ of snow that day.  Quite a contrast from just hours before when it was sunny and 65 degrees.  I was amazed at how things could quickly change so drastically.

Then the Lord spoke to me about this as I pondered what had just happened.  It’s like He showed me that the sun represents Him.  Now the sun is always out.  It always shines.  It’s always the same distance away, burning with the same intensity.  The sun never changes.  What does change however is the weather in our atmosphere.  The same is true in our walk with Him.  He remains constant, steady, and unwavering.   What does change though is our mood, our feelings, our emotions, and our circumstances.  We are easily affected by our surroundings, other people, challenges, finances, etc.     We also battle with an enemy who loves to “cloud” our view and block out the “sun.”  We just have to remember that no matter what it looks like outside, and no matter what our life may look like at the time – the sun is still shining on the other side of those clouds.  It’s still there and always will be.  The same with the Lord. Even though we may not see Him, or feel Him – He is right on the other side of our storm, waiting to burst through again.

It’s good to know that our God is not shaken by my emotions, my feelings, or my actions.  He remains steady, firm, and constant no matter what my emotions are telling me.